She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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