the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
