Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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