I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
