Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
