in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
