Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i dont even know how to be here
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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