I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
