Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
