Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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