I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
