Just fell off a train. Bad.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize