He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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