i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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