The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
