And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
