Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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