Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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