i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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