She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
