You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
