Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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