i just wanna soil my oats bro
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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