good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
