Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
