Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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