I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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