Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Congratulations! We have a period
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
