i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I think your dad took our porno
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
