She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
