but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
