Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize