It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
