He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
