I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
