I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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