Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
