I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize