I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
How external is "for external use only"?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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