I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
