I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
