You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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