the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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