That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
