and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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