Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
