Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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