It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
