I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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