When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
