Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
3pm strippers are depressing
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize