Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
