he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
