It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
