Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize