Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I need water and some morals
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize