Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
