why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
