The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
