I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
