i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
