The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
