i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Four minutes until I can fart!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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