Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize