are you still at the devil's house?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
