My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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