remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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