I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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