I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
